by Monelle Alexis
You took advantage of my innocence.
Meticulously laid out your plan for my life
as I stood waiting in silence.
You forced me into your twisted world
where you corrupted my reality.
Because of you I was in constant battle for my sanity.
I was angry at the world!
I’ve cut myself.
knotted a rope and hung myself.
Loaded a gun, placed it to my head and pulled the trigger.
Scrubbed my skin so hard, I was covered in blisters.
Popped bottles of pills,
jumped in front a moving vehicle.
Cried till I could not see.
So scared I could not breathe- I suffocated.
I hated myself; my scent
I starved myself while feeding on my guilt.
I feared skin; my skin; everybody else’s skin.
I felt so unclean.
I wanted death as much as I once valued life.
Buried my emotions but thoughts of you kept flooding my memory.
I was lost, in pain.
So built a well and drowned myself in sorrow.
Afraid of my shadow.
What is sickening?
Is that you gathered information about me.
My need to feel wanted and need for physical safety
My need for food and shelter and need for emotional security
You selected me because I was vulnerable
and you had the opportunity to abduct me.
with hopes and dreams in abundance.
Carefree, cheerful; I had substance.
The heartbeat of my family
actually I was a prodigy.
I could not tell anyone.
You make me swear it or else you would continue to abuse me.
You controlled me on the strings of fear.
But I told my parents
and mind-bogglingly, they did not believe me
instead they blamed me for leading you on.
I told my friends but they paraded my defilement.
I went to adults but because they knew you
they did nothing to help me.
Sadly, some of them continued to abuse me.
I went to the police and they directed me to welfare.
Free at last I thought- finally some healthcare
but you continue to walk the streets haunting me.
You look for me,
my guardian angel of death and you smile at me
reminding me that you are always in control and untouchable.
But on this day I free myself from the strings that once held me captive.
I surround myself with positive energy
as I bask in my newfound liberty.
I look in the mirror and smile at the person I’ve become.
I look at my scars and sing praises for I did not succumb.
I speak out against the abuse of children and all else
for I stand as the protector of the unknown victims
and the voice of the voiceless.
And I won’t rest until I get justice.
Signed once your victim now freed.