According to the National Center for Health Statistics, when a marriage ends, the woman is the one who files for divorce two-thirds of the time. While a man might leave a marriage because of a lack of intimacy, meeting another woman or because he feels as though his needs no longer come first, a woman leaves marriage for very different reasons.
Here are five reasons women end their marriages:
1. A lack of emotional connection
Men feel close to their wives through intimacy. Women generally need to feel emotionally connected to their husbands first, and then the desire for sex grows out of that connection. When women look for companionship outside their marriages, it is more often for emotional connection than physical connection. Women like to be both known and heard. The most successful husbands know what their wives like and what their wives think.
2. Differences over finances
Some may think that a lack of sufficient funds leads a woman to leave a marriage, but divorces more likely occur because of different expectations for the way finances are managed. A wife may believe in the importance of saving, staying out of debt and making conservative investments. Her husband may want to take more risks with money and spend more freely — or it could be just the reverse. The point is that spouses often don’t see money in quite the same way. It’s important to talk openly about finances and come to a consensus on how best to manage them.
3. A man who is rarely home or not engaged with the family
If the husband is the primary breadwinner, he may believe that the harder and longer he works, the more he is demonstrating dedication to his family. But if he works late most days and travels a lot, his wife may begin to question whether or not he really cares all that much about her. If there are children involved and the husband is never home, a wife may grow resentful.
4. An inability to resolve conflict
No two people will ever agree all the time. Rather, the key is to recognize and adjust to differences instead of trying to avoid them. Withdrawing, refusing to talk about problems or withholding things the other person wants never makes things better. According to a study from the University of Michigan, “a particularly toxic pattern is when one spouse deals constructively by calmly discussing the situation, listening to their partner’s point of view, or trying hard to find out what their partner is feeling, for example — and the other spouse withdraws.” The best way to resolve conflict is to stay calm, listen to each other and work to resolution.
5. Controlling or abusive behavior
In any marriage, in addition to being an “us,” there needs to be a “me” and a “you.” Marriages work best when two separate people with different interests come together and find common ground. Love does not equal control over one’s spouse. For example, many women like to be close to family and friends and will struggle if they feel like they’re being isolated. And, of course, it goes without saying that physical or emotional abuse is never, ever acceptable.
Remember the adage, “happy wife, happy life.” The simplest way to keep your wife happy is to make your marriage a safe place for her to be. Talk with her, know what she likes and what makes her tick. Connect with her emotionally, and you may be surprised how quickly your love life improves.