I remember being told that if I was looking for the perfect marriage, I was never going to find it. There was no such thing as “perfect.” I didn’t believe, and I ignored the comment. A couple of years later, I tied the knot with someone I was in constant turmoil with. Our relationship had always been rocky, and we still insisted on making it work. We tried to force an unstable relationship to become a perfect one. We soon realized we’d made a huge mistake. Oftentimes, what starts off badly ends badly.
In my second marriage, my husband and I understand there is no such thing as perfect. We have our differences. We have disagreements. But what does make for a perfect marriage is the love and respect we have for each other and the open line of communication between us.
Forcing a relationship to work, assuming it will eventually turn out to be perfect, is a misconception. It is rare for an unstable relationship to improve after marriage. Sometimes, if the marriage is a mistake, you either remain unhappily married for fear of what others may say, or divorce is on the horizon.
Here are seven signs you’re with the wrong person:
You never see eye to eye on anything. You fight over friends, lack of time spent with each other, money, jealousy — just about anything. As much as you try, nothing you do is ever satisfactory.
Uncertain of your love
You love your partner, but you are not sure if you are in love. You see this person as a confidant, a person you can always count on; however, you’re not sure you see this person as a permanent part of your future.
Your partner jumps from job to job, misuses funds, hates to work (but loves to party) and puts friends before the relationship. Priorities are not in order.
Lack of support and respect
When your partner finds your goals unrealistic or humorous and mocks you, he or she doesn’t value you as a person.
It’s a red flag if your partner feels the need to lie, and you know he or she is lying. While we can forgive and forget insignificant lies, entering a marriage on that type of foundation is risky.
Let’s say you want to marry and start a family right away. Your partner wants to wait a while before having children (or doesn’t want children at all). You want to marry and move, but your partner wants to live together first and stay where you are. When you have one set of dreams and your partner has another, and neither one of you can meet somewhere in the middle, chances are you and your partner are not right for each other.
It’s not healthy to stay with your partner because you are comfortable with him or her and you detest the idea of starting over. Marriage is love, compromise and support — not convenience.
You’ll know you are with the right person when the relationship is based on genuine love and respect, and you truthfully want to spend the rest of your life with your partner.